I worked until midnight last night and had a cab take me all the way home instead of my usual place, the train station as I was too tired to drive. As such, I left my car parked overnight. When I returned to get it this morning, the driver's side window was busted and my gps and a few other items were missing. Bollocks. Total bollocks. I called the transit police, called the insurance company. Blah. blah.
Come to find out that I'm a few days late on my auto insurance payment because I haven't checked my personal email since Wednesday. Thankfully, the nice people at Progressive told me there's a grace period, which I fell into. So, I'm not totally shit out of luck. Obviously, I paid what was due and even pre-paid next month as it's guaranteed that I'll forget. Paul was nice enough to drive my car home and give me his car so I could blow off some steam and get my nails done. You all know how they looked during the week.... a total wreck thanks to my nervous picking.
So, there I am at the salon and I get a call from the transit cops. Now, at this point I've talked to the MBTA Transit Police several times already as I come to find out, I'm one of 5 cars that were broken into last night. Anywho, the lovely office calls me back to let me now that my registration has expired. I shriek out, "WHAT?!" She tells me it expired in January and that I should keep track of these things. She also let me know she's put a note in the system that she's talked to me and that if I'm found driving the car without updating my registration, I'll most likely be arrested. Needless to say, I immediately got on-line to try to re-register my car. Many server errors later, turns out I'll have to take care of it on Monday. The same day I've got to get the window fixed. The same day the project that kept me at work till midnight is due. hmmmm....
You're probably thinking, "Jeez Rita, get your shit together." I'm right there with you. I did some reflecting while having a few beers and during a run today. Here's what I came up with: it's sucks that my car got broken into but, there are much greater implications that have resulted from this misfortune.
My train of thought went something like this: If I didn't just take a cab straight home, this wouldn't have happened. If I drove into work, this wouldn't have happened. If I had just left work at a normal time, this wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't been given a project at 5:30 on a Friday that I had to stay and finish cause if I didn't my other weekend work would get screwed up, this wouldn't have happened. If I had known there was a deadline, I would've gotten the work done earlier and this wouldn't have happened. You're seeing a theme here right? Yea, I did too. It's work.
Now, don't get me wrong, everyone works. We have to. I've got bills just like you do. I have rent and student student loans to pay. Here's the thing, I'm so consumed at work that my personal life falls to the side. I cannot tell you the last time I've paid a bill on time. I've set up reminders. I've asked for email alerts. Inevitably, the alarm or reminder dings when I'm in the middle of a conference call or when I'm knee deep in an analysis. So, the alarm falls to the wayside. It's pathetic.
Also had another moment of clarity today. If I had taken the cab to the train station last night, I could've walked into my car being broken into. The police told me it happened around 12:30am, just the time I would've been getting to the station. God only knows what would've happened. God was truly watching last night.
Back to the reality check. Another thing happened today that I think was part of some scripted plan. I was reading a book called Once We Were Brothers, very very good by the way, and I came upon this explanation of the main characters life:
"Is she happy working at Jenkins and Fairchild, because I don't get the feeling she is."
"No, she's not. She and Mickey were doing some terrific public interest work. Stuff to be proud of. Jenkins is an institutional firm representing large corporate interests. Very unsatisfying for Cat."
"So, why does she stay there?"
"You know how it is - you get up every day, put your shoes on and go to work. She's well paid, enjoys the esteem of her colleagues, and has enough work to keep her conscious from reminding her how empty her soul is....."
enough work to keep her conscious from reminding her how empty her soul is.....
Holy fuck did that resonate. Is that what I'm doing? Please say it ain't so.
It kinda is. Am I getting satisfaction from the work I'm doing? Not really. I've got moments where I'm learning, but it's not something I would have expected me to be doing. Don't get me wrong, I do my job well. I put in over and above a 100%, but it's not fulfilling. I meed deadlines so I don't get yelled at. I get balance sheets to balance, reconciliations to tie out. But meh, I could leave it. The comic Savage Chicken describes my situation so well:
Well, this is where I am. I'm formulating a plan. This isn't life. For the foreseeable future I will be out running as that's one of the activities that reminds me I'm not just a desk jockey. I'll be calling you friends to catch up, as you are a ridiculously important part of my life I've neglected. I'll be out in the sun more often. I'll be eating dinner with my Husband on a daily basis.
Just know that if you're in a similar situation, I 100% get where you are coming from. We can change this.
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